


The Lesson of Love (all that it was)

by Anonymous



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: F/F, First Time, Loss of Virginity, Rituals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:54:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23756470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: The slayer must perform a virgin sacrifice to prevent the apocalypse.
Relationships: Buffy Summers/Reader
Comments: 3
Kudos: 20
Collections: Anon Works





	The Lesson of Love (all that it was)

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from Power Over Me by Dermot Kennedy
> 
> Y'all know the drill, all characters belong to Joss and not me, otherwise certain people *cough* Tara *cough* would have gotten happy endings

Stupid fucking old timey perverts and their stupid fucking old timey perverted rituals. And what God ever decided that this is the way to deal with this shit. 

“I found something, but no one is going to like it,” Willow mutters, placing the book down on the table for everyone to read, which is never a good sign. Willow reads out loud, if she doesn’t, it means bad news. Giles was the first one to read the passage, as per usual, and silently walked to place the book infront of Buffy, seemingly intentionally to try and keep it from gracing the eyes of the others. Giles was going to let Buffy decide if she wanted to share with the group or not. 

“So in order to prove myself worthy of this, and to appease this God, I have to perform a virgin sacrifice. I have to kill someone?” Buffy looks at Giles inquisitively, but also fearful. Sure, she killed vampires and demons, but they weren’t human, right?

“Keep reading,” is all Giles responds, taking off his glasses and pinching the bridge of his nose. You could tell he is not thrilled about this development either. You watch as Buffy’s eyes dart down a few more lines before her face changes expressions.

“Oh,” is all she says, and Giles and Willow nod their heads in agreement. “So I am not killing a virgin, I am having sex with them. Her. It has to be a girl apparently,” Buffy continues. 

You feel your stomach sink. You were pretty sure that you were the only virgin in this room, and like, yeah to stop certain death you would do it but…

“Who are we going to use then? None of us count,” Xander says, gesturing to the occupants of the room.

“We aren’t ‘using’ anyone Xander. Please take this seriously, this isn’t just some rock we are destroying or something. Also, there is no ‘we,’ right now it is just me, so please, actually, you can leave,” Buffy retorts to Xander, who just stands with his mouth open.

“I… I” Xander starts to try and get out before Giles cuts him off.

“Xander, go. We’ll call you if we need you.” Xander grumbles something before grabbing his stuff and walking out the door with his head down. 

Once Xander is out of the room, you drop your head and mutter “I am,” barely audible.

Buffy glances your direction, “What? Sorry I couldn’t hear you.”

“I’m a virgin,” you say again, slightly louder, but still quietly. Everyone in the room has their eyes on you now, but you don’t dare look at any of them. 

Finally, Buffy speaks, coming over to sit next to you. “Are you volunteering?” She asks, very quietly. “You don’t have to say yes.”

“I, I guess I am volunteering. We are running out of time, and there is no guarantee that we will find someone else, and then it wouldn’t be fair to that person, so yeah. It’s gonna be me, right?” You respond, glancing at Willow and Giles. 

Willow is the first of the two to say something, “Only if you are okay with it, and if Buffy is okay with it.” Giles nods in agreement. You nod back, and so does Buffy, and soon everyone is nodding and it is kinda funny and so much other shit has happened recently that you just start to giggle, and soon everyone is laughing. Once the laughter dies down however, your stomach is immediately hit with nerves, and your anxiety starts to pick up. Giles is saying something about wanting to go over the ritual with you and Buffy, but your head is starting to get fuzzy, and you really just wanted to be by yourself before you got too psyched out, and Buffy can just fill you in on the specifics later. 

“I need a minute,” you mutter, but at that point you were already halfway out the door. You didn’t hear Tara get up to follow you. 

...

It was a rather bright day, which was ironic considering that the world was supposed to end tomorrow night, but the sun was warm on your skin, and it felt nice and open and like you could breath instead of the book stocked stuffy room you were in, and you plop yourself down in the grass. Tara walks up to you.

“Hey. If you want me to leave, I will, but I thought you could use some company after, well, you know,” Tara says, ever so Tara-like, and you nod and touch the ground next to you, indicating for her to sit. The two of you just sit in silence for a while, and it's nice. Your brain is all over the place, and you are nervous, but Tara has an instinctively comforting presence. You lay down on your back and stare up at the sky, Tara following suit, and you like this because there are things you want to talk about but you don’t want to see anything. 

“Does it hurt?” you ask the sky. 

The sky responds with Tara’s voice, “It depends on the person. And if it does hurt, I promise you it only does for a minute. And it’s Buffy. She is not going to hurt you if she can help it.” You nod at the sky, hoping Tara sees it. 

“It’s just, she feels like my sister, ya know. I’ve never really ever thought about what this would be like, but I don’t think I ever would have expected this. I mean, it’s Buffy.” Buffy who, despite you being 18 and capable of taking care of yourself, will still walk you back to your house after a meeting, or patrol, just to make sure you are safe. Buffy, who would pack an extra peanut butter sandwich during patrol to make sure you were eating. 

“Yeah, this isn’t ideal,” Tara says, and you laugh. And Tara laughs with you.

“Understatement of the century,”

“Thank you for doing this. I don’t know if anyone is going to tell you this, but thank you. You deserve to get to choose when you want to do this, and that choice is being robbed from you…”

You cut Tara off, “I do have a choice still, I am just choosing to do this.” You know your voice is strong, but you know you are saying it for yourself as well as for Tara. 

“I still think that you are brave,” Tara rolls onto her side and places a hand on your cheek, and you smile, because it's Tara, and she always knows how to make people comfortable and happy. “I’m going to go back in and find out what time and where you and Buffy will meet, and then I’ll walk you home. You deserve a nap before all of this.” You smile again, and stay laying in the grass, enjoying the sunshine.

Tara was back out in a minute, reaching her hand out to help you up. “So Buffy and Giles are going to go set up at her place, and you can meet her there at 8. That gives you about 4 hours to shower, nap, eat, whatever you need to do. Can I walk you home?”

“Um, I don’t really want to go home,” the thought of being around other people right now, and having to share your bedroom wasn’t really appealing. “I’ll just go chill at the bookstore for a bit and then head over.”

“Do you want to come back to the dorm with me? It’s not much, but you can take a nap and just really relax.”

“I don’t want to impose, Tara,” Tara puts her hand on your shoulder, silencing you.

“You’re not imposing. I don’t even have to be in the room if you don’t want me to be, I can head to the lounge, but you deserve to just let your guard down for a bit. I know this is not easy for you.”

You nod. “Okay. Thank you.” Tara smiles warmly at you, drapes her arm around your shoulders, and starts the walk back to school. 

...

“You really don’t have to,” you start again, upon arriving at Tara’s dorm. 

“But I want to,” Tara responds, effectively ending the conversation right there. “Now, my recommendation, go take a shower, make yourself feel good and clean, and then take a nap. I’ll wake you so you have enough time to eat something and get to Buffy’s, okay?” You nod, because you don’t know what else to do. Tara pulls out a box from under her bed, and grabs sweat pants and a big tee from her chair. “These are clean, I swear. I just hadn’t gotten around to folding them yet. The stuff in the box is extra toiletries, take what you need, and I will grab you another towel. The bathroom is down the hall on the right. I am going to stay here until you get back so I can let you in, but if you want me to leave after that, I will.” 

“Thanks,” you whisper, and start to grab stuff from the box. Shampoo, soap, razor, deodorant. That should be good. Tara hands you a fresh towel, and a pair of rubber shoes.

“Trust me, you don’t want bare feet in there,” she grins and winks.

...

15 minutes and as much warm water you can get in a college bathroom later, you emerge from the shower, clean, hairless (you worriedly and anxiously shaved EVERYTHING, including your arms, just in case) and bundled in clothes that had the distinct smell of Tara, and you were feeling a bit more calmed down. You make your way back to Tara’s room, faintly knocking on the door, and are greeted by the witch. “I get the shoes,” you joke, and Tara laughs. 

“Do you need anything else? Do you want me to leave?” Tara asks, prompting you to take the bed.

“Um, do you mind, can you braid my hair?” You ask timidly. You don’t really want to go to sleep with wet hair if you can help it, but braids make it worlds better, and more manageable. You’ve mastered archery, sword fighting, hand to hand, and staking, but you couldn’t braid your own hair if your life depended on it. 

“Of course, why don’t you sit at the desk.” You sit down as Tara grabs a comb and some hair ties. “Two french?” You nod your head. Tara silently starts to work, and the soft tugging of her fingers could lull you to sleep right there. It doesn’t take long, and your hair is pretty short, so you only have two little nubs coming down. “Now, I insist you sleep, rest. I can leave if you want.”

“I’d actually be more comfortable if you stayed, if you are okay with that.”

“Of course, I have some reading I want to do anyways,” Tara says, darn near pushing you into the bed. She pulls the quilt over you, and pulls out a book, taking the seat you were occupying only a few minutes earlier. You realize how tired you are, and fall asleep as soon as your head hits the pillow. 

...

Around 7, Tara gently shakes you awake, “Hey sleepy head. I got some food for you, why don’t you eat,” and all at once your nerves hit you head on, and the thought of eating makes you sick. You scoot yourself out of Tara’s bed, blinking away the sleep as you do, and drag the covers up so it is at least some semblance of made. 

“I’m really not hungry,” you reply, as Tara puts a plate of crackers and cheese in your hands.

“Nervous?” You nod a response. “Try to eat a little, it will help. I made you some tea too.” Tara smiles warmly at you, and the two of you sit on the floor facing each other. You nibble on some crackers while Tara talks about nothing really important, her literature class, the dog she saw the other day, and you are greatly thankful because you know she knows that this is helping you. 

You finish the mug of lavender tea, and manage to nibble your way through a few crackers, before you glance at the clock and decide you need to get moving. “I’m going to go change back into my normal clothes. Uh, do you have an extra toothbrush I can use. I don’t want dragon breath,” you try to use a joking tone but your nerves betray you. 

“Of course,” Tara responds. If she heard your voice waiver, she chose not to comment on it, making you feel a bit better.  _ Tara always knew that right thing to do or say.  _ You gather up your clothes from earlier, and the deodorant, and Tara hands you a new toothbrush and toothpaste. You nod your head in thanks before trudging back down to the bathroom. 

...

You take a moment to just lean against the stall door and breath.  _ Damn nerves.  _ Now that the event in question was only an hour away, you start to get incredibly self conscious.  _ I don’t know what I’m doing. _ You have no idea how to have sex (you’re not dumb, you know how to have sex, but you don’t know  _ how _ ). And Buffy was gorgeous, while you were just average, in every way. You sigh, try to push your insecurities away, and get changed back into your street clothes, reapplying deodorant in the process. You brush your teeth, wash your face, and then brush your teeth again,  _ just to make sure. Maybe you should have gone home,  _ you think, suddenly self conscious about your Walmart underwear and sports bra, but it was too late.  _ This will have to do.  _ You hit your face with cold water one more time before walking back to Tara’s room. Tara is sitting at her desk reading again as you tug on your high tops and sling your rucksack over your shoulder. 

“Hey Tara?”

“Yeah sweetie?”

“Thank you. For everything,” you say, and Tara gets up and envelops you in a hug, thanking you again into your hair. 

“You are more than welcome back here tonight if you want, okay?” Tara tells you, giving you a final squeeze. “Do you want me to walk you over?” You shake your head, you want to give yourself some time to think, thank Tara again, and head out.

...

As soon as the sun started to set, the temperature dropped rapidly, and although it was not a far walk, you kinda wished you thought to grab a heavier jacket before leaving this morning. However, the cool air served a welcome distraction and cleansing, letting you really breathe for a bit. You have a thought vaguely cross your mind that you should be more aware of your surroundings, and that it is getting dark, but you don’t hold onto it as your feet take you to Buffy’s. You undo the braids, letting your hair fall wavey around your face. 

The walk seemed too short. There were days when that walk had felt like ages, but this time it felt that you had barely left Tara’s dorm, and before you know it, you are standing on the front porch of the Summers’ residence trying to get up the courage to actually knock on that door. The Slayer beats you to it though, and the door swings open in front of you.

“Hey!” Buffy smiles and steps aside for you to enter. You shuffle inside, take your shoes off and leave them at the door, dropping your bag on top of them. “Why don’t we sit down here and talk a little about this okay?” You nod and follow the blonde over to the sofa, pulling your knees up to your chin. Buffy takes a deep breath, and places her hand on top of your knee. “I’m sorry that this is how it has to be for you.”

“Buffy, no. This isn’t your fault, it isn’t my fault. It's some old pervert’s fault. And yes, I am nervous, but I trust you, Buff. You always make sure to keep me safe, and I know you are going to do the same tonight. I trust you, and I feel safe with you, and that is more I can probably say about a lot of other people, okay? So no apologies.” You don’t know where this confidence came from, but you mean every word, and Buffy knows you mean it too. She smiles a little.

“Still, it's kinda sucky,” she says, giggling. You giggle with her. It feels good, it doesn’t feel forced, and you let out a sigh of relief you didn’t know you were holding, butterflies settling a little bit. “So me and Giles set up upstairs. It's pretty straightforward, we light some candles, say some latin gibberish, drink some wine, and then, you know.” You nod. “It was pretty unspecific about the act itself. There is no timeline, or anything like that,” Buffy pulls a face of embarrassment, and you realize that this is definitely just as awkward for her. “There is one specification. I, uh, need to ‘anoint myself with the virginal blood.’” 

When she finishes that sentence, you feel the color drain from you. You try to remember what Tara said, that it would only hurt for a second. “What if I don’t bleed?” you question, because  _ what if you don’t. Then all of this would be for nothing. _

Buffy runs her hand down your shin, and then through her hair, “I think magic takes care of that.” You nod in understanding. “Uhm, this is going to be kinda awkward to talk about. High school sex ed does NOT have a chapter on god-pleasing rituals. I, uhm, want to make sure you finish, if that is okay with you I mean, because I know this sucks but I want your first time to be good for you, so uh, do you know what you like or…” Buffy trails off, letting you finish the sentence for her. You shake your head, you weren’t really one for masturbating, and there wasn’t really any privacy at your house anyways. “Okay, that’s okay. So, just please be open with me, okay? Tell me if you don’t like something, or if something hurts. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable or in pain or anything.” You nod your head again in understanding. “Do you want to head upstairs now?” Buffy asks, very gently, as she gets up, extending her hand towards you. You take it and she leads you upstairs to her room. 

Once upstairs, you stand in the center of the room, not really sure what to do, while Buffy runs around lighting candles and incense, before picking up a large book and reading something from it. She held it out for you, indicating some lines for you to read, and then placed the open book on her desk, picking up a bottle of wine. 

“Ever drink before?” She asks jokingly. 

“I’m a virgin, not a prude,” you joke back, and Buffy takes a swig before handing the bottle to you. You copy her actions, taking in the liquid which was much more expensive than the cheap stuff you had chugged before. You hand the bottle back, and Buffy pours some of it into a bowl by the book. You shrug off your jacket and place it on the desk chair. 

She turns and smiles at you, “Can I kiss you now?” You nod confidently.

“Yes.” and Buffy brings you into a kiss. It is intense, but it is also soft, and sweet, and safe, and you trust this woman with everything. You pull away, self consciousness taking over. “I, I have no idea what I am doing.”

“It’s okay,” Buffy says, bringing a hand up to your cheek. “Just relax, okay?” Buffy pulls you into another kiss, and this time you let yourself fully relax with it. Buffy’s hand slid around to the back of your head, tangling her fingers in your hair, the other one coming to rest right above your butt, rubbing small circles into your back with her thumb. You don’t quite know what to do with your hands, and you settle on letting them rest on her hips. Buffy pulls away this time, hand coming to rest on your chest. “Your heart is beating a million miles a minute,” she says. 

“Just a little nervous,” you reply. 

“No need to be nervous. I don’t bite,” Buffy says, before grinning, “unless you want me to.” You feel the blush growing over your face. She brings her hands down to the hem of your shirt. “Can I take this off?” She asks. You tense up involuntarily. She pulls her hands away, “Here, I’ll go first,” Buffy says, pulling her own shirt off. She steps back toward you and kisses you again, pulling back, and soothingly rubs your upper arms. She lets her hands fall back down to the bottom of your top, and this time you nod. 

She pushes your shirt up, and over your head, dropping your shirt on the floor. Buffy let her hands brush against your waist, wrapping around to your back and tracing her fingers up your spine. You shiver at the contact. This was by far the most intimate you have been with anyone, and you were still at the beginning of the night. “This okay?” Buffy raises her eyebrows.

“Better than okay,” you respond, before bringing your own hands to Buffy’s waist. Buffy leaned into you and kissed your jaw, letting her hand run up over the back of your bra to the base of your neck, fingers playing with the hem of your bra. With a bolt of courage, you whisper “Take it off.” 

Buffy grins at you and goes to tug your sports bra off. It gets stuck and the two of you burst into a fit of laughter while you wrestle the material the rest of the way over your head. “That was supposed to be a lot sexier in my head,” you say, laughing, but also deeply embarrassed, plus now you were topless and the self consciousness was creeping in again. You were a runner, and that was before all of this demon stuff started to happen, and you had lost weight from stress in the past months. You were scrawny, and your boobs were non-existent. 

“Hey, it took Angel like five minutes to get mine off,” Buffy responds, easing you out of your own head, before reaching toward you, eyes asking permission. You giggle at the thought of Angel fumbling with a bra, and nod your head at Buffy’s questioning gaze. Buffy comes back into your space, and brings her hand up to your sides, grazing over your boobs. “You are so beautiful,” she says, bringing her hands back up to your face, locking eyes with you. She leans in to kiss you again and walks you backwards towards her bed, which had been draped with a white ceremonial cloth. Your knees hit and you sit down. “Lay down,” Buffy whispers, and you do as she says. Your heart rate starts to pick up again, this is really happening. Buffy unhooks her own bra, taking it off, and crawls up next to you. She wraps her arms around you, holding you tight, placing a kiss against your temple, and stroking your hair. “Can I ask you something?”

You nod, “Sure.”

“Was there any reason? Were you waiting until marriage or …”

You cut Buffy off, “God no. Nothing like that. Just, well I mean you know I like girls and it's not necessarily like there are hordes of lesbians around here, or well, ones that don’t feel like family to me. And even if there was, I don’t really have time for a relationship, you know? Like I have to pass calculus, apply for college, and stop the world from ending on a semi-regular basis, so dating is like, the farthest thing from my mind.” You giggle a little bit, and Buffy runs her hand up and down your arm, looking almost sorry. 

“That shouldn’t have to be your life,” Buffy whispers, sadly. “It is my destiny, not yours.”

“Buffy stop that. I don’t regret any of this, okay. Nothing. It’s my life, and I am fine with that. Now, if you don’t mind, I would very much like you to kiss me again.” and Buffy captures your lips with hers.

“I’m going to take your pants off, okay?” You nod in response to Buffy, and she reaches down to unbutton your jeans. She kisses your lips again before moving to pull down your pants and underwear. She pulls off her own, and the two of you are now completely naked. She leans over and starts to kiss your neck, and her hand comes up to cup your breast, gently thumbing your nipple, and it feels good. Really good, and you instinctively, if not a bit shyly, bring your own hand to copy what Buffy was doing to you on her. Buffy moans gently into your neck, and that sound does something to you, and you  _ want  _ this. 

“Please, Buffy,” you whisper, and Buffy smiles at you. She kisses your collarbone and right over your heart, and the hand not still playing with your nipple snakes down to your stomach.

“Can I?” she asks, with a raise of her eyebrows. You nod, but Buffy says, “I really need verbal consent.”

“Yes,” you nod surely. Her finger finds your clit, and she starts to gently circle it. You let your eyes close. 

“Does that feel okay?” She asks, kissing your hip.

“God, Buffy, it feels really good,” you respond, your eyes still closed. She continues to rub, and  _ dear god _ did it feel good. There were noises in your throat that you had never made before, and Buffy starts to drop her fingers lower, up and down. She places her finger at your opening, thumb still working your clit. You open her eyes, and look at her, knowing what she is asking. “Go ahead,” you nod. Buffy comes up and kisses you, and pushes a finger in. It didn’t really hurt, it just felt odd. Buffy continues kissing you, giving you a minute, and pulls her finger out. 

“I, uh, need to do two fingers,” she tells you. “You didn’t bleed.” You feel your heart jump, your previous fear coming back. You nod, giving her permission. She kisses your shoulder, “Deep breath.” You inhale, and she presses two fingers into you. This time, you felt a sharp burn. It wasn’t bad pain, per se, but it was enough that tears pricked at the corners of your eyes. You close your eyes again, trying to relax and let the pain fade. Buffy kisses the tears in your eyes, and lays down next to you, not moving her hand. The pain starts to dull away, and it starts to feel good. You rock your hips, almost reflexively, and Buffy removes her fingers, still kissing you. She draws a line with your blood down her chest, over where her heart is. “It worked. I, uh, I feel it buzzing a bit.” Buffy smiles. “Okay, now that the formal part is over, I want to make you feel good.” She reaches back down and begins rubbing your clit again, shifting your body so she was over you. “Put your knee up a bit,” Buffy instructs. You follow, and you feel how wet she is, how turned on she is, over  _ you.  _ Buffy keeps working, and starts to move against your leg. Pretty soon you are both panting, and she pushes a finger back in, curling it  _ just right,  _ and you are going over, closing your eyes. You cry out, shaking, and Buffy gently brings you down, scooching her way back up, wrapping her arms around you and holding you close. “How are you feeling?”

“That was so good,” you say, kind of breathless, not yet wanting to open your eyes. Your breathing starts to return to normal, and for the first time in a while you feel content. “Can I, uhm, you know, help you out?” you ask.

“I’m perfect,” Buffy continues to hold you for a bit longer. After about 20 minutes, you yawn, realizing how tired you are. “Why don’t you go clean up a bit? I’m going to clean up this and get us something to drink. Do you want to stay the night? It’s late.” 

You get up, “If it’s alright with you, I would like to stay.”

“Of course it's okay. Let me grab you some clothes.” Buffy shuffles around before pulling out a pair of boxer shorts and an old Sunnydale High tee.

“Is there any chance you could give Tara a call? Let her know that I am staying here tonight?”

Buffy puts her hand on your cheek, “Of course.” Buffy pulls on a robe and heads downstairs, and you go to the bathroom. You wash yourself off, and pull on the clothes Buffy lent you. You look at yourself in the mirror,  _ really look  _ at yourself, and you are the same. You don’t know if you were expecting something different. Returning to Buffy’s bedroom, you are met with the blonde, who hands you a glass of water and forces you to drink. She had cleaned up all of the candles, and redressed the bed with blankets and pillows. “Ready to go to bed?” She asks. You nod, and the two of you crawl under the covers. You curl yourself into the blonde, and she wraps her arms around you, holding you close. You are very close to sleep when she whispers “Thank you” in your ear, and you drift off into the most peaceful sleep you have had in a long time. 


End file.
